The art of being selfish

Uncategorized Jul 10, 2018

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate,
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
Our light, not our darkness, frightens us most.”
— MARIANNE WILLIAMSON


Do you hide your light under a bushel?

I love this phrase even though I've got no clue what a bushel actually is. And I love Marianne Williamson's quote because it's true. 

Why is it that we, particularly women but certainly some men, get such clearly contradictory messaging in childhood about being good and having what you want?

We're told that we need to be good (which by the way actually means arbitrarily doing what other people want you to do when they want you to do it) but we're encouraged to get out there and go for it, create the life of your dreams, go be successful - rah rah rah. How these two ideas are supposed to exist at the same time I do not know so I'm deleting one of them from my life and you know which one right?

Being good is the fast track to mediocrity in life and livelihood.

Who does it benefit? Certainly not you.

And the residual effect on an adult of being brainwashed into being good as a child is a complete disconnection from what matters, which is you and what you want. Not to mention the subliminal messaging that to be good you cannot be yourself. 

This is your life. You not only get to but you NEED to be the one making the decisions if you are to have the kind of experience of life you want to have. Contrary to popular belief being yourself actually benefits other people. Not only are you more interesting, more fun, more creative, you being yourself gives others implicit permission to be themselves too.

Imagine that kind of world for a moment.

So no matter what form of being good you're currently dragging around in your bag of beliefs, whether it's putting other people's needs before your own, feeling guilty for wanting, moderating your exuberance, swallowing your anger or being a garden variety doormat it is now officially time to toss that one out the window. 

(Stick with us and sooner or later all of those crappy beliefs will be out the window - hallelujah!)

 

I'm inviting you to embrace the Art of Being Selfish.

I'm inviting you to disappoint people.

I'm inviting you to risk being called any number of schoolyard taunts...

I'm inviting you to be yourself, to put yourself first.

Being good keeps you small, keeps you quiet, keeps you mediocre and it's BORING.

 

I promise you no one will die. You won't burst into flames the first time you say no. Because I know you might be very out of practice I've got a fun experiment to help get you going which doesn't even involve saying no.

For one week your mission is to catch yourself every time you say the following:

  • I don't mind 
  • It's up to you
  • Or any variation that involves you handing your decision-making capacity over to others

When you catch yourself, this is what to do:

  1. Take a moment
  2. Ask yourself on the inside - what do I want 
  3. When an answer comes and it will - say it

 

Let me give you an example. I love going to the cinema and I love going by myself mainly because I think I have eclectic taste and if I go by myself, I won't have to ask whoever I'm with to see what I want to see. 

You see, I never don't know what I'd prefer. And I imagine it's the same for you too. If you took the time to listen to yourself you'd know what you wanted, it's just that you've either been taught to let others choose, to be amenable and easy going, to fit in etc, that you rarely say what you want. 

You might be the person that says 'I'm happy to see whatever you want to see,' or 'I don't mind, Fast & Furious 712 sounds fine,' but on the inside, you're sighing because you'd really rather see the latest Wes Anderson film. 

So this week you're saying - 'I want Wes Anderson!'

This could be life changing...

Happy trails, Bec xx

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